InsaneJournal

Dead. He's dead. I don't understand. Shouldn't I be happier about this? I want to be happy, but it's difficult -- somehow it only feels as if I've lost you all over again. How has it nearly been a month already?

It's pointless, all of it. What are we doing? What am I doing? Why is this war not over? Sirius seems suddenly so happy and sure that we can win this, and I am not sure where his optimism has come from. Rodolphus is -- was -- just one person. Only one. They will be angry, they will kill more people, and then they will recover just as always. Perhaps he will no longer hurt or kill people, but the others will. People will keep dying. I don't want to fight anymore.

I tried to hurt him by taking his family, but what did I accomplish? Nothing. Innocent people were killed. Tabitha and James were hurt. I sent pieces of him to his wife and his aunt. I refused to bend to the threats of killing the people I was trying to save. That is what I did. I'm not Frank. I'm not a trained Auror. I'm a twenty year old werewolf & I was stupid to think that someone like me joining the Order could make a difference.




I hope he felt loss.